No, seriously. You have enough anxiety on your first date without having to feel unnecessary shame and apprehension about wanting to get it on.
According to Gay Dating App Advice, 34% of Americans have had sex on the first date. Gay men and women were more than twice as likely to find it acceptable to jump bones right off the bat. What can all this mean? Certainly, gay people aren’t more inclined than straight people to go heels-to-Jesus.
Relationships are messy
It could be that single gay people just have more realistic views of sex and relationships. Relationships are messy. Human interaction – the gritty sex-charged world of dating – is messy. Sometimes it just doesn’t work out. Look no farther than your last ex for an example.
In love, we’re all in the dark, and it’s sort of absurd to place preconceived strictures on what can or cannot happen on a date. That said, if you don’t want to have sex, don’t have it. If you do, then do. Just don’t fret about it.
A common misconception in the gay world (and I’m assuming the straight world, too, though, being thoroughly gay myself, I cannot say for sure) is that you cannot expect to have a serious, lasting, or healthy relationship if you knock boots right away. Of course, this is nonsense. What your momma told you was right: you can do anything you set mind to, bless your little heart, including finding love and getting your rocks off all in one go.
Take it easy gay guys
The moralistic agony that stems from this puritanical idea that it is supremely wicked to, uh, “discuss world peace” on the first date leads only to that: agony. This sort of thinking echoes back to a classic (in other words, outdated) piece of pietistic advice that you should wait until marriage. The truth is that life is just far too complex for such simplistic prescriptions of human behavior.
If you decide to wait to have sex until after you get to know someone a little better, then do it because you truly believe it is the right thing to do, and hold fast to your conviction. Don’t do it because of some socially obsolete moral code of conduct that tries to color the diverse world of human sexuality in terms of black and white, right and wrong, do and don’t. As long as you are not hurting anyone and the act is consensual, then you have no reason to worry.
The fact that you are worrying about whether or not to have sex on the first date might actually indicate a critical issue in your approach to this whole dating thing. Why else would such a question cause you worry? Be yourself. Do what feels right. Don’t deny yourself what could potentially be a fun and powerfully erotic experience because of puritanical moral prescriptions that are probably not even yours to begin with – they were passed down to you.
Magic happens when you go with the flow and trust your instincts
Bottom line: if the chemistry is right, you’ll know it. It’s a risk, sure, and it might not work out in your favor, but these types of things never come with guarantees. Take responsibility for your actions. If you cannot trust your instincts in these situations, then you have no business involving yourself in the world of dating in the first place.